what it means to be a mom to a child with sp. needs
Being a special needs mom is a lot of work; it requires a lot of time and patience, but at the same time, it's extremely rewarding as well. As a special needs mom, I can say we have our ups and downs. We deal with social, financial, and psychological issues that are impacted directly or even indirectly by our child’s diagnosis, which can lead to a lot of personal stress. Our plates are always fuller than most moms', and our whole world revolves around trying to help our kids succeed. We celebrate small wins, like achieving milestones in a big way, and we strive to be good moms, raising our kids so the world will be kind and compassionate to them in return. We are in survival mode every day with ongoing therapies, doctor appointments, tests, procedures, and meetings that take up a lot of our physical and mental energy! We raise our kids to be strong and resilient. We may struggle daily with tantrums, behavioral issues, medical flare-ups, etc., but we try our best to stay calm, accept this as our “normal,” and face it with a smile.
We are in “survival mode” all the time, which means we are continuously stressed and anxious, and it's hard for us to relax. We constantly calculate scenarios in our heads: if social outings are worth going to, if hosting a family dinner is feasible, which medication would be the most cost-effective for us. These scenarios play in our minds all the time, as we have to make decisions instantly, factoring in many unknown variables. Our children are so dependent on us that we don’t get a physical or mental break. If the argument is that we should grow accustomed to it, we have—but it doesn’t mean our bodies won’t burn out at some point.
Overstimulation is another common issue. After facing tantrums, meltdowns, excessive cues, and repeating verbal directions, along with the sounds of medical equipment going off, it can be overwhelming. Managing your life through emails, apps, and the internet can be exhausting, especially when you're on the phone for extended periods—sometimes 45 minutes or more—because it's essential, and you have no choice. Writing formal emails, signing documents and contracts, and spending time finding the right words, tone, and message is crucial, as some documents, like IEPs and 504 plans, are legally binding.
Physically, driving from one place to another for appointments can be a challenge. Our car often serves as a second home, where we sometimes eat meals, make appointments while driving (connected to Bluetooth, of course), and get stuck in traffic. All these appointments, procedures, and therapies are necessary and need to be on the schedule. If you decide to cancel an appointment, there's always a backlash. You'll find another appointment really far out, might have to pay a cancellation fee, or have to hear sarcasm from your provider when you decide to take a break.
We deal with so many things on a daily basis—emotionally, financially, and psychologically. Yet, we still have so much resilience, empathy, and compassion for the world. We may take things day by day, but when we see our beautiful children smiling at us, we forget everything and smile back.
